Thoughts

I am so thankful.  Thankful that I am surrounded each day by family.  I am truly grateful that our family's story is sweet and full of growth.  Through changes and challenges, we have held on tight and fought for our family.  We have remained determined to love.  Scott and I have worked at our marriage and have succeeded at keeping an amazing love for one another.  Some families are not as fortunate, I am learning.  

As I sit in the social services building on Tuesday and Thursday nights, I am constantly aware of the brokenness, betrayal, and heartache that many families face.  The information that is being relayed to us in our foster care and adoption classes is heavy, as you can imagine.  Many of these nights, I just want to curl up and cry for foster children.  Really.  It is sickening what foster children and their birth parents deal with.  I am immersed in it all right now.  The process of going through this training is not all fun and games, although we have had a lot of laughs.  The social workers that have been teaching us have been amazing.  Truly.  I have greater respect for what they do and why they do it.  They are special people that do really important work.  They fight for children.  They are detailed and organized.  They don't mess around in letting us know their expectations of us and what it takes to do what we are interested in doing. 

Throughout our classes, we have had to fill out paperwork.  Some of our homework has just been about reflecting on the previous class's subject matter.  Other writings have been about our own lives, childhood, current family life, tendencies, desires, and expectations.  It has been interesting each week to be met with so much information through our training, the stories and then dealing with my feelings toward all that.  Whew.  But, I wouldn't trade it for anything.  I am right where I want to be, soaking it all in.  I am grateful for our family's desire to help a child.  I am hopeful that we will be able to one day wrap our arms around a child that needs love and a home.  We have a lot of love to give here in the Morrison home.   

You know, adopting from our county's social services department isn't going to be super smooth and dreamy.  This child will have either been abandoned, abused, or neglected.  This child will need a blanket of grace along with patience, compassion and tons of unconditional love.  It won't be just like previous baby experiences with my birth children.  This will be different.  

How often do we welcome change that may bring hardship?  Aren't we quick to lay in our own contentedness of life and pray that our boat doesn't get rocked?  It is hard to step out in faith and walk the unknown path that may be rocky.  When I think about fostering a child or adopting a child, I sometimes feel scared.  Oh no!  This child may not sleep well or may be angry or cry a lot.  Oh no, imperfection!  Life can be messy, right?  I am sure that feeling scared is natural for a prospective foster/adoptive mother.  As I deal with fears concerning fostering and/or adopting, I am becoming more aware of my tendency to want life tidy and neat and not so messy.